...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
