The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
