Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
