Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
