is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
