Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
