so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
