U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
