it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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