I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
