If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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