Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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