very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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