Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
