Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
