i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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