your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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