This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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