I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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