There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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