Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
