She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
