My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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