He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
