That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
