I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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