dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
