beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize