i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
