I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
