He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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