Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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