Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
