nut hugger
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
