apparently the secret to your success is patron
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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