So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
