pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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