She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm getting married
To pizza
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
