I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
