somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
