I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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