Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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