I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize