Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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