I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
