Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
