Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
