Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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