So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
