you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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