She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
