WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
high people should be assigned attendants
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We have started to decorate penises.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
