he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
