She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
