I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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