I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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