I just saw a hot homeless man
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
