Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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