So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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