"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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