1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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