im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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