Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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