Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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