I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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