So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
