You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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