My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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