Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
