so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize